Crippled Consumer, Paralyzed Citizen

Riffs, Rants and Raves

About my 377 friends

Enough has been said about the Indian Supreme Court’s (in)famous ruling—that’s not what I’m going to bother talking about. I am writing to share my own views of homosexuality a few years ago, and how these views have changed.PinkDot

Until 2005, I would snigger if I got to know someone was gay; I would giggle and say, “Arrey, sala homo yaar!” I thought they came in only two ‘flavours’:

(a) People who came from the lower rungs of society and, almost fatefully, became makeup artists to models and film stars, or

(b) Artists and playwrights

In short, I thought they were the poor and unfortunate, or the rich and glamorous—both seeking attention in some way.

I remained with this belief until I made friends with a guy in Singapore. He was intelligent, well read, classy and well placed, and quite normal to talk to. It was only after three or four meetings that it gradually dawned on me (with some hints from him) that he was gay. But by then, he had come across as so normal and personable that it occurred to me that gay people were probably not the wretched lunatics/ psychopaths I had imagined them to be.

Gay bars

As I hung out with him and his friends more and more, I realised that they could come from just about any rung of society, and that they were not “being gay” just to be ‘fashionable’. I went to the gay bars with them, and I realised that these places were a lot better for a woman—she could dance purely for the love of dancing (dirty dancing included) with chivalrous men all night, with no fear of their pawing her!

There were even some straight men hanging out there with their gay friends. I observed that while a few guys were holding each other intimately (though not suggestively), no guy was really hitting on any other guys, gay or straight.

Do gay men hit on just about every man?

This last observation struck me as strange, and when I asked my friend about it, his explanation made sense. Gay men are much like women in some ways—just as women are generally hesitant to make the first move and approach a man (and possibly face rejection), gay men too look for ‘signals’ before they approach someone. In fact, they even want to (and usually can) figure out if someone else is gay in the first place, and then take the next step of approaching him. Yes, on rare occasions, they approach a guy and tell him, “Dude, I think you’re hot—are you gay by any chance?” If the guy says he’s not, they just say, “Cool, no worries” and walk away.


Now, let’s come to the women. I have met several lesbian women too. Once, during a salsa class in Singapore, it was obvious this woman was lesbian—she constantly tried to partner me and kept looking deep into my eyes and calling me ‘Darling’; she would hold my hand just a bit longer than the duration of the dance step. After a couple of classes, when she saw no response from me, she backed off, even though she had my e-mail ID.

Come to think about it, I’ve never heard of a person lodging a police complaint against someone for gay rape. I’ve also not heard of a gay man pouring acid on some guy because he rebuffed his advances!


One comment on “About my 377 friends

  1. Don Charisma
    February 24, 2014

    Amazing how our world view can change with experience. Travel has changed my perspectives a lot, Thailand and Thai people are very different from my expectations … as for gay rape it does happen, but more difficult to prove I think for lesbians, but leave it there anatomy lesson wouldn’t add to it !

    I wrote about the above here –

    Thanks for dropping in on my blog. I’m not the world’s best commenter, but do take care of those who are spending time to drop in. Anyway, as and when you can, always good to see friendly face 🙂

    Warm regards


    Liked by 1 person

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